Maelstrom of Destiny
by zerotherat
Summary: Jack Sparrow and his crew wash up on the shores of Azkaban after sailing over the edge of the world in search of a mythical map.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a crossover fan fiction. Its plot follows neither the Pirates of the Caribbean movies or Harry Potter books faithfully. If you want a story that completely follows canon, this isn't the fiction for you. Reviews are appreciated, whether you love it or hate it. **

**Prologue: The Edge Of The World**

The winds were fierce and the seas rough as the ship sailed determinedly toward its unholy destination. With its torn and tattered black sails flapping in the wind and wicked thunder echoing over the boiling water, the vessel crashed through the dark waves. High above, a monkey screeched as it leapt nimbly from mast to mast, trying to avoid the stinging rain, and down below men scurried around the wet deck, trying to keep control of the rolling ship. Every man was working, fighting a death struggle with the storm that raged against them. Every man, that is, except for one.

The captain of the ship stood at the hull against a background of roiling, thrashing sea. Lightning flashed, throwing his profile into brilliant relief. His dark eyes narrowed, his hat pulled down, an almost empty bottle of rum in his hand, he watched as what he had been searching for appeared on the horizon. Ahead he could see a pitch-black expanse where the sea dropped off, falling in a deadly never-ending waterfall. The edge of the world.

"Almost there, mates!" he called over his shoulder to his crew. His first mate, Mr. Gibbs, stepped up beside him, drenched to the bone and smelling of rum and poor hygiene.

"That's it, then, Captain?" he said grimly, staring at the fabled edge ahead. "Yer sure this'll work?"

His captain grinned roguishly, exposing blindingly white teeth. "Aye, Gibbs. Over the edge, Jack, she told me, to find meself the map. Once we got the map, we can find the riches."

Gibbs crossed himself, swallowing hard. "And how, exactly, do ye propose we…return…from the edge?"

The captain shrugged, taking a swig of rum. "I hadn't really thought that far yet."

The first mate choked. "Ye…ye haven't THOUGHT that far?" he sputtered.

The edge approached, and the ship was buffeted from side to side, causing all on deck to crash down. The captain grabbed the hull, his hat tilted back. The ship reached the edge and started tilting downward. Before they plummeted into the unknown, he flashed another saucy grin at the man next to him.

"Here we go."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or Harry Potter. I will post the next chapter after I get a review.**

**Chapter One: Of Toast**

Harry Potter yawned. It was early morning and he was sitting in the Great Hall, eating breakfast. On one side of him, Hermione Granger was reading the Daily Prophet, absently eating an apple as her amber eyes darted across the pages. On his other side, Ron Weasley shoveled food into his mouth like it was going out of style.

"Oi, 'Arry," he mumbled, crumbs spewing from his lips. "Pass the jam, yeah?"

Harry sighed, brushing himself off as he handed over the jam. He then turned his attention to the two golden-brown pieces of toast in front of him. He picked up a knife, carefully spreading raspberry jam over his bread.

"Harry!" A squeal precluded a petite redheaded form flying into him.

"Oof!" he grunted, glasses askew. Ginny Weasley blushed furiously.

"Oh, sorry, Harry," she said in a tiny voice. Harry smiled kindly at her, straightening himself.

"It's okay, Gin," he said.

Ginny grinned. "I just wanted to wish you luck on your Quidditch match today!"

Ron grunted, piling his plate with his third helping of eggs. "What about me?" he grumbled. "I'm on the team, too, you know. Not to mention your brother."

Ginny wrinkled her nose at him. "You eat like a pig."

Ron shrugged. "Just building up my appetite," he said, mouth full of bran muffin. "Need all my energy if we're going to kick Slytherin's arses."

Harry chuckled, turning back to his toast. He picked up a piece.

"Oh!" Hermione suddenly gasped, startling Ginny, who fell into Harry again. Harry dropped his toast.

"Sorry again," Ginny mumbled. Harry brushed himself off, retrieving his breakfast and placing it back on his plate.

"What's wrong?" he asked Hermione.

"Look here," she replied, showing him an article.

**Mysterious Ship Washes Up On Shores of Azkaban, Ministry Baffled**

**By: Priscilla Langlock**

**Ministry officials are bewildered today at the appearance of a ship on the shores of Azkaban. Aurors promptly appeared at the scene, where it is reported several arrests were made. While no names have been released, there have been reports that the intruders do not appear to be of magical blood. However, we are reminded that muggles cannot find Azkaban, which is also Unplottable. **

**The Minister of Magic, Corneilus Fudge, fears this was an attempted escape plan gone awry. **

"**It must be powerful Dark magic." **

**The Department of Aurors had no comment.. **

Harry frowned. "That's a bit odd."

Ron looked confused. "How can they be muggles but not be muggles?"

Hermione pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I don't know, but it's interesting…they think it was an escape attempt? For convicted Death Eaters, maybe? Harry, has your scar been hurting lately?"

Harry shook his head, his messy black hair flopping into his eyes. "Not any more than usual, no."

Hermione shook her head. "I don't know, then."

Ron shrugged. "Eh, they caught the buggers, so I wouldn't worry. I'll owl Dad and see if he knows anything about it."

Hermione nodded. "Good idea. So have either of you finished Professor Flitwick's essay on the importance of hand motions in charms?"

Ron groaned dramatically. "Not at breakfast, Hermione! Honestly, how am I supposed to concentrate on my meal with you trying to shove knowledge down my throat?"

Hermione's eyes flashed. "You seem to be 'concentrating' on your meal perfectly fine, Ronald."

Ron started to retort, by was stopped by Ginny's gasp.

"Oi, Harry, Ron! Game time!"

Harry had been deep in thought, staring absently at a jug of pumpkin juice, and he started at Ginny's reminder. Hurriedly, he went to grab his toast, only to see his plate empty. Confused, he turned to Ron just as his friend shoved the remainder of Harry's breakfast into his mouth.

"C'mon, mate!" Ron said, swallowing. "Game time!"

Harry cast one last sad look at his empty plate before following Ron out.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Do not own Harry Potter or Pirates.**

**Chapter 2: Ahoy, Matey**

"…And then they made me their chief."

Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt rubbed his eyes wearily as he stared at the strange man sitting in front of him.

"So, let me get this straight, Mr. Sparrow," he sighed. "You are a pirate, who sailed over the edge of the world and ended up at Azkaban."

"Captain," the pirate corrected. "That's Captain Jack Sparrow. And what is this Azk-wooey?"

Kingsley sighed again. Jack eyed him in concern.

"You don't look too good, mate. Perhaps you should have a bit of a lie-down, eh? As for me, I'm afraid I must go gather my motley crew and return to the Pearl to find the map." He stood up, pulling on his hat.

The other auror promptly had his wand in Jack's face.

Jack Sparrow stared cross-eyed at the wand in front of his nose. Slowly, he reached out and pushed it away. "Now, now, mate. There's no reason to point your weird little stick-thingy at me. Unless you're just really happy to see me?" He eyed the auror speculatively.

"Mr. Sparrow!" Kinglsey said firmly.

"Captain," Jack corrected patiently.

"_Captain,"_ Kinglsey said through gritted teeth. "If you'll please sit down, we have a few more questions for you."

Jack sighed. He brought his bottle up to his lips. Nothing. Peering into the depths, he sighed again. "Why is the rum _always_ gone?"

"Sir," a wizard poked his head into the interrogation room. "The Minister has informed me that he has consulted Albus Dumbledore for advice. Dumbledore will be here first thing tomorrow, and the prisoners are to be kept under close surveillance until he arrives."

Kingsley nodded, relieved. "Thank you, Mr. Wiggs." He turned to Jack, who was staring sadly at his empty bottle and mumbling to himself.

"Well, then, we will resume this tomorrow, Mr. Sparrow."

"Captain," Jack sighed. "It's Captian Jack Sparrow, mate."

Kingsley contemplated banging his head against the wall.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Nope, still don't own either Harry or the pirates. Reviews are nice.**

**Chapter 3: Monkey Business**

Albus Dumbledore had lived quite a long time. He had seen many strange and unusual things in his lifetime, and yet he thought that this might be one of the strangest yet. He was thrilled.

Mr. Gibbs was going around the interrogation room, introducing the crew. He, too, had seen many odd things during the course of his life, but this old man with the really long white beard and strange attire took the cake. He was less than thrilled.

"…Cotton, Cotton's parrot, Marty, Gunnar, Moises, and Jack." Gibbs finished his introductions and sat down at the metal table in the middle of the room heavily. Dumbledore smiled.

"Yes, I've already met Captain Sparrow."

The aforementioned captain shook his head from where he was standing, cleaning his nails with a dagger. "Not me, mate. He means the monkey. I hate that thing."

Dumbledore looked down at the monkey.

"Eep," Jack the monkey said.

"So, mate, hate to talk and run, but we really must be going now. People to see, mayhem to cause, savvy?"

Dumbledore nodded sympathetically.

"I understand your desire to return to your ship. However, I must ask you one thing. How, Captain Sparrow, were you planning on returning to…wherever you came from? I assure you, our world here does not end so abruptly."

Gibbs banged his head on the table. "I asked him the same thing, didn't I? But oh, no, the _great _Captain Jack Sparrow hadn't really THOUGHT that far! Mum was right, I should have been a blacksmith." He banged his head on the table again.

Jack shrugged. "I was just making it up as I go, mate. I was not told that the edge of the world would take us to _another_ world where strangely dressed people point sticks at you. You can't blame a man, really."

"Eep." Jack the monkey gave Jack the captain the finger. Gibbs banged his head again. The rest of the crew shifted uneasily.

"Well," old Marty spoke up warily, eyeing the old man in front of him, "why don't ye just use yer stick and…er…poof us back?" Murmurs of agreement filled the room.

Dumbledore shook his head sadly.

"As I don't know where, exactly, you come from, or even when, I'm afraid that would be impossible. We have people in the Department of Mysteries working on finding you a way home, though, no fear."

Jack made a face. "And how long d'you reckon that's going to take, mate?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Well, we are a bit occupied at the moment with a crisis of our own…"

The crew groaned.

"What could be more important than yours truly getting his paws on a load of glittery riches?" Jack demanded indignantly.

Dumbledore gave them an abridged version of Lord Voldemort's history, return to power, and attack on Britain.

Jack sighed. "So once you kill ol' Snakey, your mystery people can get us back home?"

Dumbledore nodded.

Jack glanced around at his crew. "Well, then, mates, let's just speed this along, shall we?"

Dumbledore laughed. "Captain Sparrow, we already know who will be the end of Tom Riddle. He must be destroyed by a boy named Harry Potter, according to the Prophecy. However…" He studied the group thoughtfully. "Perhaps you could be of assistance…"

"Right! Good! We will help your bonny young lad kill his evil Voldymart person and then you will poof us home. Brilliant! Now, I'm bushed. We're going to need beds and rum, mate. Lots and lots of rum."

The crew cheered in agreement.

Dumbledore looked down at Jack the monkey.

"Well, then, I better go get that rum, shouldn't I?"

"Eep," the money replied.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Do not own Harry or the Pirates. **

**Chapter 4: Of Gnomes and Men**

Harry sighed. The other Gryffindors were in the common room, celebrating their Quidditch win against Slytherin. Harry had told them he wanted a bit of a walk before bed and had made his way to sit by the lake. It had been five months since Sirius fell into the veil, and he still missed him as if it had happened yesterday. He was tired and angry and frustrated. All he wanted was for this war to be over before anyone else he dared care about died. He sighed again, the wind tousling his already messy hair.

"Oi, Harry!"

Harry turned. Ron, his Quidditch robes flapping in the wind, hurried toward him, clutching a piece of parchment. Hermione followed close behind.

"My dad wrote back," Ron said, waving the parchment. "Apparently it was an attempted escape at Azkaban, just a load of nutters who say they're pirates."

"Well, actually, Ron, there's a little bit more to it than that. Harry, Mr. Weasley said that they aren't even from here," Hermione corrected, face flushed in excitement.

Harry frowned. "What do you mean, 'not from here'?"

"They believe they are from a different…world, I suppose."

"Like…aliens?"

"No, Harry. Do you remember that essay we had to do on the seventeen theories of cross-dimension particles and…"

Harry's eyes glazed over. Ron drooled.

Hermione huffed. "Anyway, Mr. Weasley says Professor Dumbledore believes they can help the Order."

Harry snapped back to attention. "Help the Order? Is he mad? How can a bunch of alien pirate nutters help the Order?"

Hermione shrugged. "I'm not really too sure on his reasoning myself. But we could use all the help we get!"

Harry was silent for a moment, thinking this over as the wind chilled him to the bone. Finally, shaking his head and muttering about "Bloody mad world", he beckoned toward Ron and Hermione to follow him back to the castle. ***

"No."

Molly Weasley faced Albus Dumbledore, arms crossed. Dumbledore sighed.

"Molly, please. It's very temporary, until the Ministry is doing sorting out Sirius's will and Grimmauld Place and we can move them there."

"Absolutely not."

"Molly…"

The Weasley matron threw her hands up in the air. "Albus, have you seen them? Have you SMELLED them? I raised six boys, and I thought nothing could be worse than that! I was wrong!"

Jack Sparrow sauntered over, rum in hand. Dumbledore looked at him, eyes twinkling.

"Jack, this is Molly Weasley. Molly, this is Jack Sparrow."

"Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack drawled, kissing Molly's hand. "A pleasure to meet someone as vibrant and impeccably lovely as yourself."

Two bright pink spots appeared on Molly's cheeks.

"Oh well, thank you. You must be absolutely exhausted, after your traveling. Why don't we…"

She was interrupted by a CRASH! They looked over.

The garden gnomes had waged war on the pirates, who were running around shrieking, waving their swords. Two pirates had managed to climb atop the chicken shed and another was cowering in the corner of the garden, surrounded by a gaggle of gnomes.

While Molly stared, open-mouthed, she felt her wand, which she was holding loosely by her side, slip out of her hand. Mouth still open, she looked down at Jack the monkey.

"Eep," Jack the monkey said, scurrying off toward the gnomes, sporadically waving the wand. Colorful sparks flew from it, turning the chicken shed into a turnip. Squealing, the pirates ran for cover. The monkey stared at the wand, and then shook it again.

Blue sparks and the garden wall began to sing.

Orange sparks and a gnome levitated off the ground.

Green sparks and another gnome grew to the size of a Saint Bernard. The pirates squealed again. Cotton's parrot took off.

"Awk! Every man for hisself!"

Molly turned to Dumbledore, mouth still open.

Purple sparks and Molly Weasley fell backwards, eyes darting wildly around.

"Huh," Jack the captain said, looking at the monkey with interest. "I've got to get me one of those."

Dumbledore sighed before pulling out his own wand and setting the yard back in order. He helped Molly to her feet, then turned and walked over to the monkey, who was using the wand to scratch his back. He gently took the wand from him and walked back over the Molly, handing it to her. The monkey gave him the finger. Molly stared at him.

"No."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I still do not own Harry and the Pirates. That sounds like a band, though.**

**Chapter 5: Lemon Drops and Rum**

"Yo ho, you ho, a pirate's life for me! We pillage and plunder , we rifle and loot. Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho! A pirate's life for me!"

Tom the barkeep at the Leaky Cauldron stared out at the group of odd men claiming to be pirates as they sang and sloshed rum and flirted with the other customers. Including Griselda, a raggedy hag who had, to Tom's knowledge, but a single tooth. The noise and mess they were making was enough to make Tom down a few glasses of whiskey himself.

"It's just for a few nights," Albus Dumbledore had assured him, slipping him the bulging bag of gold.

Tom wished he had asked for more. He poured himself another glass of whiskey, but before he could bring it to his lips, a monkey leapt up onto the counter and jerked it out of his hands. A bloody monkey! He was getting a headache. The monkey took a sip of his drink, made a face, and promptly threw the glass, narrowly missing Tom's head. Tom sighed.

It was going to be a long night.***

"Come in."

Harry entered Dumbledore's office, running a hand through his messy hair. Dumbledore beamed.

"Ah, Harry! My dear boy! Lemon drop?"

Harry shook his head.

Dumbledore shrugged, popping one of the candies in his own mouth.

"What brings you here tonight, Harry?"

Harry fiddled with the edge of his robe. "Er, sir, we read in the Daily Prophet a few days ago about, um, people washing up on the shore of Azkaban. Ron wrote a letter to his dad, who said that they believe themselves to be pirates, and that you think they could help the Order."

Dumbledore beamed. "They ARE pirates, Harry. Here from a world beyond our very imaginings, and yet perhaps not as different at all."

Harry frowned, puzzled. "Alright, then, Professor. But how can pirates help the Order?"

Dumbledore leaned forward. "Harry, do you believe in fate?"

Harry stared, bemused. "Like in everything happens for a reason?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Not really, sir. Sirius didn't have to die, and Voldemort didn't have to become evil."

Dumbledore smiled ruefully. "Well, then, my boy, let's call it a hunch. I have a feeling that these men will be of great use to us in the upcoming battle, especially once we find all of the Horcruxes."

Harry didn't look convinced.

"And, if not, I must admit, they are marvelously entertaining if nothing else. And we have workers in the Department of Mysteries willing to help get them back to where they come from, but, as you are well aware, the department is currently in shambles."

Harry nodded, still bemused.

"I've been meaning to ask you a favor, Harry. The pirates have nowhere else to go, and I was hoping you wouldn't be adverse to…"

"Grimmauld Place," Harry guessed.

Dumbledore beamed. "Yes, my boy, exactly."

Harry shrugged. "I suppose that's alright, sir."

Dumbledore beamed again.

It was going to be a very interesting Christmas holiday, Harry thought as he made his way back to the Gryffindor common room.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: All rights belong to J.K. Rowling and Disney.**

**Chapter 6: Deck the Halls with Rum and Holly**

Harry was right. Holidays at Grimmauld Place were quite interesting. They had started when Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks picked up Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, and Hermione from Platform 9 ¾. They had taken a portkey to the old Black estate. As much as they had talked about the pirates, speculating on what they would be like, they still weren't prepared for what they found.

A hassled looking Molly Weasley greeted them at the door, hugging and kissing them. Ushering them inside, Harry noticed she looked a bit…peaky. He soon saw why.

At the sound of them coming through the front door, the enchanted portrait of Sirius's mum began shrieking angrily, causing an ear-splitting din. This caused someone to throw and empty bottle at it, which in turn caused Mrs. Black to scream louder. Mrs. Weasley wearily pulled out her wand and cast a silencing charm at the portrait before leading them to the kitchen. The first thing Harry noticed was chaos.

He had seen pictures of pirates in some of Dudley's old picture books, and he was startled by how accurate they were. The room was full of men wearing loose trousers, open white shirts (at least he thought they once might have been white), and leather belts with glittering swords hanging from them. One even had a parrot on his shoulder!

"Bloody hell," Ron breathed.

Lupin put a hand on Harry's shoulder and cleared his throat. "If I may have your attention, everyone." The room fell quiet. "This is Harry Potter." The pirates stared at him, and Harry shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, one pushed through the crowd to approach him.

Harry stared. The pirate had long black beaded dreadlocks, skin baked brown from the sun, and dark-rimmed eyes. He smiled, flashing brilliant white teeth with a hint of gold.

"So yer the one everyone's talking about, eh?" he said. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, and this here is my motley crew."

"Er, pleased to meet you," Harry said.

Fred and George looked awed. "Nice, beard, mate."

The pirate glanced at them and then did a double take. He held up his hand and peered in the half-filled bottle of rum he held. "I'm seeing double and I'm not even through with me first bottle…now this is what I call a party!"

His attention fell on Hermione and Ginny, who stood a bit behind the boys. He grinned roguishly. "Well, well," he purred. "And who might these lovely creatures be?" He reached out and took Ginny's hand, brushing it with his lips. Ginny turned bright red, eyes filled with adoration. Ron choked.

"I'm Hermione Granger, sir, and this is Ginny Weasley," Hermione spoke up.

Jack shifted his attention to her. "You don't say," he murmured, his dark eyes raking over her body.

Hermione shivered, and Jack grinned lopsidedly. "This will be quite fun, indeed."

Harry felt something grab onto his leg. Looking down, he saw was startled to find a monkey peering up at him with an expression much like Ginny Weasley's at the moment.

"Wha…?"

The pirate looked over. "Oh, that bloody little bugger is Jack."

"Eep," the monkey said, scrambling up Harry's leg and swinging onto his shoulder.

"Aww!" Ginny and Hermione both cried, stroking a very pleased looking primate.

"He's so cute!" Hermione gushed.

"Look at his little nose! And his tiny, clever hands! Oh, who's a handsome boy?" Ginny cooed.

Jack Sparrow pouted. "_I _didn't get that reaction."

Harry tried pushing the monkey off him. The monkey wrapped his arms around Harry's neck. Harry sighed.

"Dinner!"***

The rest of the holiday passed in a blur, until it was finally Christmas.

Harry and Ron and Jack the monkey awoke to find presents piled neatly in their room.

Harry received a dragonhide journal from Hermione, Quidditch cards from Ron, a lumpy violet sweater from Mrs. Weasley, a singing hairbrush from Ginny, joke products from the twins, and candy from Tonks and Lupin.

Jack the monkey received a matching violet sweater. Harry sighed.

Christmas dinner was loud and chaotic. The pirates drank and sang and spilled food everywhere. Tonks entertained them by changing her appearances to match theirs. Ginny and Hermione conversed in quiet whispers, stealing glances at Jack. Fred and George started a loud rendition of "A Pirate's Life for Me" followed by "Jingle Bells" and charmed the silverware to sing along. Harry could have sworn he saw Molly Weasley take a swig from a rather burly pirate's rum bottle. A few other pirates amused themselves by throwing darts at Kreacher the house-elf, eliciting a loud scolding from Hermione.

At half past eleven, Ron nudged him. "What do you say we head upstairs?"

Harry nodded, standing up.

"Er, you may want to leave your friend behind…"

Harry sighed. "I can't get him off. Can you?"

Ron reached for the monkey, which promptly bared its teeth at him.

"On second thought, let's just bring him with us."

Harry sighed again as they made their way to the room they were sharing.

"It's different here, without Sirius."

Ron patted him sympathetically. "Yeah, it is."

Both boys were quiet for a moment.

"So," Ron said. "Pirates, eh?"

Harry shook his head. "I think Dumbledore's finally gone 'round the bend. There is no way those…people can help us defeat Voldemort. I don't think they are even magical."

Ron nodded in agreement. "He's absolutely nutters."

"Sirius would have loved them, though."

Ron grinned. "Yeah, he would have. Did you see mum with that rum?"

Harry nodded, laughing. "Yeah."

They got quiet again.

"Hermione and Ginny seemed to like them, eh?"

"Yeah…"

"But they wouldn't…that Jack bloke is so…_old_…right?"

"Right," Harry agreed, feeling none too sure himself. He frowned at the memory of Ginny watching the pirate captain all night, stars in her eyes.

"Eep," the monkey said, patting Harry's head sympathetically.

The next morning dawned in silence. Most occupants of the house were hung-over and passed out. Harry yawned. The monkey was asleep on his pillow, sucking its thumb. He got up quietly and padded to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he was making his way back down the hallway to his room when a door opened up and a very disheveled Hermione Granger slipped out. Harry stared.

"Oh!" Hermione said, cheeks pink. "Er, good morning Harry! You're up quite early!"

Harry stared.

"Um, well, I'm just going…to…homework! I have homework to do. Yes. So, er, Harry, I'll see you later." She hurried away as Captain Jack Sparrow stepped from the room she had just exited, shirtless and yawning.

Harry stared.

Jack looked at him and grinned.

"And that's how you do it, me boy."

Harry stared.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Do not own the characters. Shout out to Birdy Main and glitterfairy1990 for the reviews!**

**Chapter 7: Abracadabra**

Soon, the holidays were over, and Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys headed back to Hogwarts. Harry and Hermione, by unspoken agreement, never spoke of the morning they met in the hallway, and he noticed Hermione made an effort to avoid the roguish captain for the remainder of the break.

All in all, Harry was glad to be going back to the school. Standing on Platform 9 ¾, Harry tried one last time to dislodge the pirate primate from his shoulder. Nothing doing. He gave up with an inward sigh. Saying goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Harry and the others boarded the scarlet train. Christmas was over. It was time to go back. ***

Harry and Ron were playing wizard's chess when the summons from Dumbledore came. Harry stood up. It was about time. He hadn't heard anything from Dumbledore regarding the horcruxes since the pirates arrived. He was ready to continue the search for them, for he knew that with each horcrux they destroyed, they were one step closer to defeating Voldemort for good. Casting a look at Lavender and Parvarti, who were forcing Jack the monkey into a frilly pink dress, Harry slipped out of the common room, feeling about fifteen pounds lighter.***

Mad-Eye Moody was asleep. His gruff snores echoed throughout the sitting room. Jack Sparrow stood a bit behind him, crouched like a tiger stalking its prey. Moody snored; Jack crept closer. Reaching out, his fingers closed around the worn wood of the wand Moody held loosely in his hand. He gave a gentle tug.

"Ugh…"Moody mumbled. "Constant…vigilance…" He snored again.

Jack gave another tug, and the wand slipped smoothly into his grasp. Pleased with himself, he stood up and tiptoed to the far side of the room.

"Right, now," he said, waving the wand a bit, "behold…the almighty, magical, dashing Captain Jack Sparrow!" He flicked the wand.

Nothing happened.

Frowning, Jack held the wand up to his ear and shook it. He waved it again. "Abracadabra!"

Nothing.

"Open Sesame!"

Nothing.

Jack frowned again. That blasted monkey did it; why couldn't he?

"Bloody stick must be broken," he grumbled. He pouted, and then threw the wand.

There was a hollow _thump _as it hit Moody in the back of the head. The grizzled auror leapt up with a distinctly feminine yelp.

"ATTACK! ATTACK! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! DEATH EATERS! VOLDEMORT! MAN YOUR STATIONS! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

The old man snatched up his wand, firing random curses in every direction.

Quietly, Jack edged out of the room as the other Order members rushed in.

Crashes and bangs echoed behind him.

Jack grumbled to himself unhappily as he slipped into the library to avoid the chaos. Stupid stick things.

He heard a rustle. Cotton's parrot eyed him from the top of a bookshelf. Jack glared.

"What are you looking at, you overgrown chicken?"

"Awk! Abracadabra!"

Feathers flew as the bird was hit square in the chest with book.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Harry and the pirates are mine only in my dreams. This is my first attempt at a humorous story, so the plot isn't as important as some fics. Short, sweet, and able to make you smile is what I'm going for. A parody, if you will.**

**Chapter 8: Shipwreck in a Bottle**

Harry was disturbed. He and Dumbledore had destroyed almost every horcrux, and it had been easy.

Almost too easy.

Whenever he thought about this mission, Harry always pictured something drawn-out and dramatic, like a 600-page camping memoir with a heart-warming Disney-esque ending. Instead, they were already down to just two remaining horcruxes; Voldemort's snake, Nagini, and something Dumbledore wasn't ready to reveal just yet.

Harry blamed the pirates.

To be honest, they hadn't been any help in the fight against the Dark Lord at all. They lounged around Grimmauld Place, getting drunk and annoying the other Order members. None of them were magical, except for the monkey, and really, what help was that? Harry's trust in Dumbledore's instinct was fading fast.

Harry sighed, glancing down at Jack. "What was he thinking?"

The monkey shrugged, picking a bug off its fur and eating it. He reminded Harry of a smaller, furrier Ron.

Harry's scar prickled uncomfortably, and he rubbed it absent-mindedly. ***

"So me and me mates were talking, see, and we've unanimously decided we want to go home. The sooner the better, savvy?"

Dumbledore smiled kindly at the pirate captain.

"I understand, but the Department of Mysteries hasn't been fully repaired yet, and the Unspeakables are exerting all their efforts trying to Trace Lord Voldemort."

Jack Sparrow scowled. "You know, I'm really getting tired of this bloke and I haven't even met him. I'll tell you what, though, he can't be worse than Davy Jones…those tentacles…ugh!" He shuddered.

Dumbledore chuckled. "We are very close to having him in a position where Harry can defeat him."

Jack frowned. "And another thing, mate, where's my ship?"

Dumbledore beamed, eyes twinkling. "Oh, it's safe, Captain Sparrow, have no fear." He gestured toward the fireplace mantle. Jack cocked his head.

There, in a delicate glass bottle, was the Black Pearl. The pirate shook his head.

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to get it out?"***

Hermione stared in the mirror at her messy curls. She looked the same, but she felt different. After that night with Jack Sparrow…Hermione frowned.

She was certainly NOT the type of girl who did things like that, and certainly NOT with alcoholic pirates from alternate universes. But Jack was just so intriguing, so dashing, so…tall, dark and handsome. Hermione had read a great deal of muggle romance novels, and Jack could give Fabio a run for his money. Those eyes…that body…that roguish smile…it was enough to almost make her forget she had homework to do.

Almost.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Still don't own the Pirates or Harry and Co.**

**Chapter 9: **

"_**It's time…."**_

**Harry jolted awake, soaked in sweat. The high, cold voice echoed in his head, in beat with the throbbing pain of his scar. And in one sickening moment, he knew what was happening. Voldemort was coming here, to Hogwarts.**

**And they weren't ready.**

**They had destroyed a locket, a goblet, a diadem, the ring…and of course, the diary Ginny Weasley had in second year. But there was more, he was sure of it. The snake was one, he knew. And the other….**

**They weren't ready. It seemed as though virtually no plot had gone by in this story, and now Voldemort was headed to Hogwarts? It couldn't be. **

**Harry grumbled under his breath, and Jack the monkey watched in concern as he drew his wand and cast a patronus.*****

**Dumbledore chuckled as the pirates crowded around the radio, listening to Celene Warback's "You're The Bezoar To My Heart". Suddenly, a silvery stag bounded in the room, startling the men. **

"**Voldemort…Hogwarts…" Harry's voice drifted from the stag. Dumbledore stiffened.**

"**Hey, mate," Jack said, peering at the patronus with interest, "Isn't that the evil one you all have been looking for? How convenient! Just go and poke him with your stick, and we can all go home."**

**Dumbledore looked somber. "I must get to Hogwarts." He strode to the fireplace and tossed a handful of Floo powder into the crackling flames. **

**Captain Jack Sparrow glanced at his men. "Let's save the day so we can get back to our treasure, eh, lads?" **

**And one by one, Albus Dumbledore and a crew of pirates headed to Hogwarts.*****

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione watched as the younger students were evacuated. The older ones all had grim looks of determination on their faces as the prepared to fight. The Order members rushed around, perfecting wards and preparing for battle. **

**Harry knew what he had to do. As the first explosions of battle rocked the castle, he slid under his Invisibility Cloak and slipped away.*****

**Jack Sparrow and his men surveyed the scene in front of them. Flashes of light crashed against each other as curses flew. He drew his sword. "Aye, mates, let's kick some wizard arse, savvy?" **

**The crew cheered. Jack turned to battle…and his sword was immediately hit by a jet of red light. He stared at the melted blade for a moment before turning back to his men. **

"**On second thought, how about we just…RUN!" He took off. *****

**Harry crept through the forest. He heard Voldemort's voice ahead, and he braced himself. Pulling off the Invisibility Cloak, he braced himself and stared at Tom Marvolo Riddle.**

**Voldemort chuckled, raising his wand. And as the blast of green light hit Harry, causing his wand to be flung away as his body hit the ground, a monkey watched from the bushes. *****

**Jack and his crew ran through the forest, panting as they crashed through the branches and stumbled into a clearing. They skidded to a stop.**

**A tall, extremely creepy man stood, surrounded by a group of equally creepy masked followers. Harry Potter lay on the ground a few feet away, dead.**

**Jack groaned. "Well, that's just great."**

**Voldemort turned to him, startled. "What is this?" he growled.**

**The pirate captain gulped. "Er, don't mind us. We were just leaving…."**

**He backed away. **

**Voldemort chuckled cruelly. "I think not." He raised his wand and began gliding toward Jack, who looked around frantically. He grabbed a rock.**

"**Avada Ked-" **

**Jack threw the rock.**

**It bounced off Voldemort's head.**

**Voldemort fell to the ground, dead. **

**Jack stared. "Huh."**

**And in the bushes, Jack the monkey chattered happily, gnawing on the wand he had just used. **


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Harry and the pirates are mine only in my dreams. This is my first attempt at a humorous story, so the plot isn't as important as some fics. Short, sweet, and able to make you smile is what I'm going for. A parody, if you will.

Chapter 10: The Beginning of the World

The aftermath of Voldemort's defeat went by in a haze of cheers, fireworks, and kegs of rum. Jack Sparrow was unanimously declared a hero and presented with an Order of Merlin, First Class. Harry was grateful that the whole ordeal was over and promptly disappeared with young Ginny Weasley. They were seen s a few days later stumbling from the Room of Requirement, Ginny straightening her shirt and Harry's glasses askew.

Dumbledore, true to his word, got together with the Department of Mysteries and within a week had a way for the pirates to return to their world. They returned the Black Pearl and the entire Wizarding Britain stood at the harbor on a sunny morning to see their heroes off.

Dumbledore handed Captain Jack Sparrow a small glass sphere.

"When you are ready, merely break this sphere and you will be returned home."

Jack nodded eagerly. He looked around at the cheering crowd as his crew readied the ship.

"Well, this is the last you will ever see of the great Captain Jack Sparrow!"

Deafening cheers.

"I hope you all remember how yours truly saved you from your evil snakeman of doom!"

"I love you, Jack!" a girl screamed from the crowd.

"In fact, just so you don't forget, how about you forever call this week Captain Jack Sparrow week!"

Unanimous agreement.

Jack turned back to Dumbledore.

"Mate, I need to say, I am incredibly jealous of your beard." He patted the long white hair.

"Alright, crew! Let's go!"

He boarded the ship and stood behind the wheel. He raised the sphere over his head, and then threw it down. A cloud of thick purple smoke spewed forth, covering the ship in a thick fog. When it cleared, the harbor was empty.***

Jack took a deep breath of the salty ocean air. It was good to be home. The ocean was calm for as far as the eye could see and a light breeze filled the sails.

"Gibbs!"

Mr. Gibbs approached the captain. "Aye, sir?"

"Do you have the map?"

Gibbs nodded. "Aye."

He handed over a torn brown map. Jack's eyes lit up.

"Let's go get some treasure, mate!"

"Aye, captain," Gibbs said. "Er, captain…"

Jack looked at him. His first mate looked nervous.

"We have a bit of a problem…"

Before Jack could question him, a young lad stepped up. He was wearing baggy trousers and a torn shirt, a hat covering his face. He walked straight up to Jack.

"We have a stowaway," Gibbs said weakly. Jack looked incredulously at the lad.

The boy smirked, then yanked off his hat. Long brown curls fell out and amber eyes flashed.

Jack stared.

Hermione Granger looked up at him. "I had to come, Jack."

Jack opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"This is where I belong."

Jack sputtered like a dying goldfish.

"Besides," Hermione flashed him a saucy grin. "I brought this." She pulled out her wand and waved it around. Red sparks flew out.

Jack began to grin.

"Well, then. Welcome aboard, matey!"

Together, Hermione and Jack stared out at the horizon, contemplating the next great adventure. Suddenly, Jack yelped.

"Bloody hell!" He fell to the ground, his legs bound together with a leg-locking curse. Hermione stifled a laugh.

From high above, in the crow's nest, Jack the monkey gnawed happily on his wand.

"Eep!"

THE END


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